Intimacy in Marriage


“Tenderness and respect-never selfishness-must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife.” –President Howard W. Hunter

This week I would like to share a bit about intimacy between husbands and wives. For me, this is a very sacred topic and I hope to treat it with the upmost respect. Growing up in an LDS family, I was always taught to abstain from sexual relations before marriage. I know not everyone believes this, however I would just like to talk about the benefits of sexual intimacy within a marriage.

Sexual intimacy creates opportunities to communicate on another level within a marriage. You may need to discuss certain things you are comfortable or not comfortable with doing. When having these conversations, it is so important to remember to be honest and respectful. Your spouse will be giving you pieces of themselves that they never give to anyone else. It is special and unique for the both of you. It is also important to make sure both husband and wife feel safe and connected within the marriage. This makes it easier to trust and communicate with each other.

I would also like to talk a little bit about the danger and problems that can arise within a marriage regarding sex. First of all, keep in mind that sex is not to be used as a reward or punishment. They don’t “deserve” sex simply because they did a certain household chore. Or they don’t deserve to be kept away from sex because they said something wrong. It is easy to use sex to manipulate your spouse, but it is extremely toxic and dangerous to do so. Another issue is simply assuming that your spouse wants to have sex. Even in a marriage, consent is key. It must be a mutual desire full of love and respect and it is never okay to force someone to have sex.
To avoid these problems, remember that you need to tell them what you are feeling. Tell them if you don’t like a certain thing they are doing. If you are feeling lonely and unloved, tell them how you are feeling and figure out a way to balance the both of your desires and feelings.

Overall, the most important thing is the love you share within your marriage. Along with sexual intercourse, it is also nice to experience non-sexual touch, such as holding hands, hugging, putting an arm around them, etc. Those little things make a marriage happier and more connected. If you are married, I encourage you to be grateful for the beautiful gift of procreation and to remember what it’s really for within your marriage. And if you are single or still dating, practice open communication now to prepare you for having those conversations within marriage.

Hope you have a great week!

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