Tasks of Engagement!

Welcome back! This week I would like to dive a little deeper about dating, and more importantly, the steps that lead towards engagement and marriage. I will also give some ideas of how to balance all of the changes that comes along with early marriage life. 

First off, let’s talk a little bit about how we even get to the point of wanting to marry someone. There are a few misconceptions about dating within our society today. In class we were asked to define the word “dating.” Even with my LDS background of dating, I was having a tough time coming up with a simple answer. Brother Williams, my professor, told us that dating is defined as: going on a variety of shared activities in a pair. Once you have dated around (dating various people), and you find someone worth getting to know better, you are now ready to move up to the “Courting” stage. This basically just means you become exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend with that person. You only date each other. During this time, it is beneficial to be having discussions throughout about the relationship and where you are wanting it to go. Many youth today think you only have to have this conversation once, commonly known as having a “DTR” -Define The Relationship. However, if you engage in open communication throughout the relationship, it will be much easier to address issues, concerns, and expectations if it moves on to marriage. 

     After courting or dating exclusively for a while, (remember from my last blog post we learned that it takes at least 3 months to start to get to know somebody), it is probably time to move on to the engagement! The engagement is a very big step because its basically saying to the world, "Hey! We are both taken 100% and we are ready to get married! Nothing is going to stop us!" The engagement is a very big step within the relationship, and it's a time to take the dynamic of the relationship very seriously. In class, we talked about some of the "Tasks of Engagement" and how to "Become One" within that time period. During the engagement period, make sure to clarify the expectations of marriage and how to raise a family. Remember that opportunities for conflict gives you and your partner room to grow. Prepare for your marriage by creating a budget, and by planning the wedding together. Another very big thing to remember is to spend time with both sides of the family with your significant other so that everyone can become acquainted within the family. My personal favorite task of engagement is to discuss how FHE, family prayer, scripture study, and Sabbath Day observance will be carried out within your home.

      Figuring out all of these little details may seem unimportant, however if you discuss them prior to the wedding day, the transition into marriage will be much smoother. My teacher says, "Care at least as much about what your partner wants as much as what you want." You will have to be willing to negotiate and work things out with your future spouse, so if you are still dating around, practice this in your other friendships and family relationships. Be willing to listen to their points of view, and share your ideas with confidence as you grow together to build an effective relationship. I'd just like to end with another resource about becoming one with your partner. This is a talk from President Spender W.Kimball, "Oneness in Marriage." Check it out! https://www.lds.org/liahona/2002/10/oneness-in-marriage?lang=eng 

-Hope you all have a wonderful week!  :)