Parenting Tips :)

“The home is the workshop where human characters are built and the manner in which they are formed depends upon the relationship existing between parents and the children. The home cannot be what it should be unless these relationships are of the proper character. Whether they are so or not depends, it is true, upon both parents and children, but much more upon parents. They must do their best.” –Joseph Fielding Smith

I bet you all can guess what I’m talking about today! Parenting! Parenting is such an important topic and I really hope that I can at least touch on a few of the things that contribute to parenting and give a few ideas to help improve parent/child relationships in the home. From an LDS perspective, we know that we become parents to become more like our own Heavenly Father and Mother. We parent to develop divine attributes, and to understand others. A parent’s job is to meet the needs of their children on a personal and individual level. There is a special bond and a secure support system for a child that only a parent can provide.

There are needs that children have universally. They are:

1.     Contact-This means physical contact through things like hugs, kisses, holding hands, sitting on laps, or smaller gestures like a squeeze of the shoulder or even a high five. Contact helps the child to feel safe around you as a parent.

2.     Belonging-Children really need to feel like they matter and that they contribute to a family. You can help your child feel like they belong by giving them opportunities to participate in daily activities and conversations and by acknowledging the things they’ve said or done and by asking them thought-provoking questions.

3.     Power-This might sound odd at first, but children need to feel like they have agency and power over certain aspects of their lives. To give children power in an appropriate way, give them choices and options. Let them learn for themselves through their own choices and natural consequences.

Along with needs, children really need to feel loved. If a parent is simply telling a child “yes/no,” “Do this,” or “Don’t do that,” there isn’t much love behind those comments.  A child does need correction, but try not to focus so much on a child’s behavior and instead try focusing on their needs. Perhaps a child is acting out, not because they are “naughty” but simply because they crave attention and love from a parent. A parent should always try to let their child learn through their own experiences, however there are exceptions to where a parent should step in and help guide their choices. These exceptions are:

1.     If the choice is too dangerous. (aka someone could get hurt, it effects them in the long run, hurts others.)

2.     If the choice has effects that reach out into the distance of their life. (Making a seriously huge life mistake when they are too young to comprehend the whole situation.)

3.     If it is going to harm other people. This one is tricky because sometime parents don’t even know that what their child says or does might hurt other people. For this one, a parent must be prepared to help the child understand and show empathy towards others.

I know that there are so so so many things people believe about parenting and that all parents and family systems are not the same. I know there are many families that really struggle with rearing their children with love. However, I know that if we simply step back, take a deep breath, and try to see our children how Heavenly Father does, it will make it 10x’s easier to see them as a person with feelings, and not simply as an object. If you are a parent, I challenge you find one specific need your child shows signs of needing, and to help them out with it! Spend more quality time with them. Try giving them more choices. Try to lovingly explain why something they did was wrong instead of simply yelling at them. I can promise you that if you just try a little harder every day, that you will grow a very deep and divine bond with your children.